Loss, Love, & Life

Later this week will mark the 10-year anniversary of my late wife Veronica’s death. I’ve done a lot of healing and learning and growing since then. And along the way I’ve written some things that still ring true. On the morning of her surgery (about a week and a half before she died) I reflected on the love and support we were receiving. 

- - - - -

February 25, 2010

Greetings again – I just remembered a thought I was going to include last night (but my weary, overloaded mind couldn’t remember long enough to get it included in last night’s posting) – I realized yesterday that we have Sufi folk praying for us, and Jewish folk, and Christian folk, and Buddhist folk, and Pagan folk, and Wiccan folk, and folk of no particular tradition. They are praying, and sending positive energy, and thinking about us, and sitting quietly by the fire. And it is all the same thing. We are surrounded by the Love of the Universe – manifest and channeled through each of you. Thank you!

- - - - -

On the morning of March 7, 2010, in the moment when she died, it felt like my whole world came crashing down around me. The experience didn’t kill me, but I wasn’t entirely sure why not. Over time, however, I have learned that it is possible to do more than simply not die. It is possible to actually keep living and learning and loving. Over the course of the last decade I have done my best to embrace the lessons which Veronica’s death taught me and continues to teach me. And at the top of the list is that love really is the only reality, and gratitude is the only appropriate response. Every day is a gift. Every moment is a fresh opportunity to learn and grow and love. And when the storms come (because they will) we can trust that we need not face them alone. We are surrounded by Love in an expansive variety of forms. During those dark days in the hospital prior to V’s death there were times when I was so profoundly aware of the remarkable love and support surrounding us that I could almost see it, taste it, and touch it. It was palpable. Ten years later my life is rich and full. I am blessed beyond the capacity of words to express. And I am grateful – grateful for the priceless gift of having shared life and love with Veronica – grateful for the love I continue to receive from my partner Susan as she walks with me on this path of healing and growth and learning – grateful for the ongoing support I have received from so many people – grateful for congregations who have trusted me enough to allow me to be their pastor – and grateful for the ongoing presence of Spirit that has sustained and supported me all along the way. The loss of Veronica’s death is still a part of me. It has shaped and transformed my life in ways that I will continue to discover. But I have come to understand that the gift of her love is larger and more powerful than the loss, and that gift has an immense capacity to enrich my life even now. I choose to honor her life and her love by living my life as fully, richly, lovingly, and gratefully as I can. And that process will continue to unfold until the end of my days.

- Pastor Roger

(keeping my feet firmly planted in the flow)

The Church's Cycle of Seasons - Test Driving Spiritual Resources for When We Need Them

The Church’s liturgical calendar is structured around seasons which flow from Advent and Christmas through Epiphany and into Lent, Easter, and Pentecost, followed by the long period of Ordinary Time, and then back once again to Advent. Each season has its own character and its own themes. One of the gifts which comes with paying attention to such a calendar of seasons is the opportunity to really immerse ourselves in the themes. The truth is that we may or may not be experiencing the realities represented by the various seasons when the season is occurring. The joy of Christmas may not be ours at that moment. The wonder of Epiphany may not resonate with where we find ourselves on January 6^th. The notions of sacrifice and reflection which present themselves during Lent may seem foreign to us. But the seasons allow us to “try them on” and take them for a “test drive”, so that when we do find ourselves in such circumstances we will have some spiritual resources available to us which can be brought to bear. 

On February 26^th we will once again enter the season of Lent, which is the 40 days (not counting Sundays) preceding Easter. It is the season which offers us the chance to explore some of the “darker” aspects of life – sacrifice, loss, suffering, betrayal, grief, etc. I hope you will take the opportunity to allow this season to be a time of spiritual exploration and growth as together we discover what it means to be people of faith even in challenging times.

- Pastor Roger

(keeping my feet firmly planted in the flow) 

A New Year Begins

Another year has come and gone. We’ve made one more trip around the sun (approximately 584 million miles, in case you were interested). 2019 included some amazing adventures, some difficult challenges, some wonderful surprises, and some heartbreaking losses. And all of it has led us here to this moment. We stand at the beginning of a new year which stretches out before us. Some of what lies ahead we can probably predict with reasonable accuracy. Other experiences will catch us completely off guard. All we can do is take a deep breath and step onto the path, committed to doing our best to face whatever comes our way with faith and trust and integrity. We need not face the future alone because we move into this newest stage of our journey together with each other and with God’s ongoing presence. I do not know what the future holds for any of us, individually or collectively, but in this moment I am glad to be here with you. Thank you for being partners with me on this journey. May the year ahead offer us opportunities for learning, growth, healing, connection, and delight.

- Pastor Roger

(keeping my feet firmly planted in the flow)

Don't Get Overwhelmed by the Season

Advent/Christmas might be my favorite season of the year. There is so much to appreciate, including parties, festive music, cards and gifts, holiday traditions and activities, and the growing sense of anticipation and excitement that fills the air. The themes of hope and peace and joy and love which we explore in worship are so rich and evocative, inviting us to expand the horizons of our faith as we prepare once again to celebrate the gift of God coming to be among us. And yet, there is also the risk of becoming overwhelmed. There is so much going on that if we are not careful it all just becomes a blur of activity which depletes us rather than enlivens us. So, I invite you to be intentional about how you participate in the offerings of this season. There is no law requiring you to do everything. Be selective. Ask yourself if this particular activity will enrich your life. Will it bring you joy? And remember to make opportunities to slow down and pay attention to the stillness and the quiet which is also available during this time of year. Take care of yourself. May the blessings of the season nourish your soul and enhance your living. May you discover the presence of God shining through every moment as you make your way towards Christmas.

- Pastor Roger

(keeping my feet firmly planted in the flow)  

Thankful for My Time at Plymouth

As we enter the month of November I find myself in a thankful mood. I have now been your pastor for four years, and I am so grateful for the experience. My time at Plymouth has blessed and shaped my life in such a variety of ways. You have encouraged me and supported me. You have expressed appreciation for the gifts I have tried to share with you. You have allowed me into your lives in times of joy and times of grief. You have listened to me preach almost 200 sermons and shared in communion with me 50 times. On your behalf I have had the privilege to engage in the work of the broader church by serving on the Conference Board, the Conference Faith Formation Committee, and as a Chaplain at Church Camp. It has been a joy to participate with you in reaching out beyond ourselves to share God’s love with the world. Together we have touched the lives of a wide variety of people in our community and beyond. Thank you for the many ways you have welcomed me into your congregation and your lives. It continues to be an honor and a privilege to be your pastor.

- Pastor Roger

(keeping my feet firmly planted in the flow)

In the Face of Overwhelming Challenges

It is once again my turn to contribute an article for the “Faith & Values” column in our local newspaper (the Helena Independent Record). This is what I wrote. It will appear in the paper on Saturday, October 19, 2019.

- - - - - -

These are challenging days in which to be a person of faith. And by “person of faith” I mean anyone who seeks to bring their life into alignment with the presence and character of God. We might disagree about the specific nature of God. We might even disagree about what language to use when we talk about “God.” Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-Step programs speak of “a Power greater than ourselves” and “the God of our understanding.” So we might disagree about many of the details, but I suspect that beyond our disagreements many of us are striving to bring our lives into alignment with a positive, life-affirming, life-transforming reality which is greater than ourselves. And as we do so we find ourselves confronted by a whole host of situations in the world that we find confusing, distressing, and even abhorrent. In these days in which we are living we are faced with so many crises that we can barely even name them and keep track of them, let alone adequately address them. There is the climate crisis, the refugee crisis, the gun-violence crisis, the opioid crisis, and on and on the list seems to go. What is a person of faith to do? How are we to respond in the face of such overwhelming challenges? Fortunately, for us and for the world, we need not attempt to tackle all of the challenges in the world alone. Indeed, we cannot. It is beyond our capacity. But we are not alone. All over the world there are people of faith and good will who share our concerns and our desire to heal the brokenness which seems so ever-present. We have partners who are already walking with us on this journey, even when we have not yet become aware enough to notice. Theologian Reinhold Niebuhr once offered this helpful reminder. “Nothing that is worth doing can be achieved in our lifetime; therefore we must be saved by hope. Nothing which is true or beautiful or good makes complete sense in any immediate context of history; therefore we must be saved by faith. Nothing we do, however virtuous, can be accomplished alone; therefore we must be saved by love. No virtuous act is quite as virtuous from the standpoint of our friend or foe as it is from our standpoint. Therefore we must be saved by the final form of love which is forgiveness.” But even when we recognize that we are not alone and not on our own, the challenge of what to do and how to do it remains daunting. In the face of such diverse and seemingly overwhelming circumstances in the world, how do we go about figuring out where to begin? Author and theologian Frederick Buechner offers one possible template to consider as we discern our calling. “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” It is easy to feel pulled in so many directions, which can leave us feeling completely inadequate to the task. It can be helpful to remember that we will be most useful and make the most difference when we bring our best selves to the task. If we are doing something purely out of guilt or because someone else expects us to, then we are far less likely to be in a position to give it our best. Remembering that we are not alone in addressing the needs of the world offers us the perspective that no one of us is responsible to do everything. We need only do our best in responding to what we feel called to do with the gifts we have been given. The Talmud put it this way, “Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world’s grief. Do justly now. Love mercy now. Walk humbly now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.” So, may we remember that in the face of “the enormity of the world’s grief” we are not powerless to respond. Each of us has gifts which can be brought to bear. And perhaps the greatest gift of all is the gift of community. We are not alone. In community we have not only our gifts, but also the gifts of everyone else as well. Your gifts will enable and empower you to respond to some of the crises we face, while my gifts will enable and empower me to respond to other crises. Together we are far more than the sum of our parts. Together, as each of us seeks to bring our lives into alignment with the God of our understanding, we have the power to transform the world. How is God calling you to respond today?

How I Respond Is Always A Choice

As I write these words it is the end of September, the autumnal equinox occurred just a week ago, and there is snow covering the ground. Life is full of surprises and each new moment offers a fresh opportunity for us to choose how we will respond to the circumstances in which we find ourselves. I can choose to grumble because I’m not ready for winter to arrive, or I can notice how truly beautiful the snow is. Either way the snow will still be here, but one choice leaves me feeling bad and one choice lifts my spirits. And I get to make that sort of choice in every moment. I am constantly confronted with situations and circumstances which are beyond my control. What is within my control is how I respond. It’s not always easy to make the helpful choices. It takes practice. I often forget that I even have a choice. But the more I practice paying attention and being intentional about exercising my choices, the easier it becomes. And I am further empowered when I remember that I am not alone in my choosing. I always have the sacred presence of God waiting to support and encourage me. All that is required is that I open myself to this source of support. So, I invite you to join me in practicing this approach to faithful living. May we, with God’s help, learn to respond rather than react. It really does make all the difference.

- Pastor Roger

(keeping my feet firmly planted in the flow)